They, Them, or Those

Don’t Think or Say "They, Them, or Those”

Why shouldn't I think or say the words "They, Them, or Those?"

It is part of a method to reduce subconscious judgment of others by flagging (and pausing) certain words that are commonly associated to such thoughts.

Humans are conditioned and programmed to be highly judgmental of others without fully realizing it consciously. We will scan others for faults, size them up, search for clues on whether they are better than us, then silently criticize them with our negative findings. Even though this behaviour is not desirable, it is a typical cognitive operation - behind the scenes.

In this case, pronouns typically lead such judgmental thoughts, like They, Them and Those. Other leading words include He, She, Him, Her, and Their, as well.

What These Words Usually Signal

When the mind starts using words like:

“They always…”
“Those people…”
“Them…”

it may be signaling:

• group judgment
• emotional distancing
• overgeneralization
• contempt formation
• blame projection
• loss of specificity
• reduction of people into categories

The words themselves are not the enemy.

The pattern behind the words is the concern.

Why This Phrasing Causes Problems

Using they, them, or those in the wrong mental state can:

• Make judgment easier
• Make people feel less individual
• Create emotional separation
• Turn one person’s behavior into a group conclusion
• Encourage lazy categorization
• Reduce curiosity and compassion
• Strengthen “us versus them” thinking

It is a small linguistic doorway into judgment.

Once the doorway opens, the mind can start building a whole courtroom.

Why the Phrase Works as a Tool

Don’t Think or Say "They, Them, or Those” is intentionally compact in an attempt to be memorable.

The 3 words (They, Them, Those) act as proxy triggers.

When one of them lights up, the broader rule set wakes up:

“Am I judging someone?”
“Am I turning a person into a category?”
“Am I grouping people too quickly?”
“Am I being accurate, or am I distancing?”

What appears when the pronoun is swapped out with one of the following words: I, me, us or we? Obviously, we are now inclusive to the thought or statement. Did anything shift? Do we want to stand with our original judgmental thought, or stop it in it's tracks?

That is the value.

Important Distinction

This is not about eliminating pronouns.

Pronouns are necessary for normal communication.

This item is about catching the moment when pronouns become a trigger for judgment, distance, blame, or dehumanization.

There is a major difference between:

“They are coming over at 6.” (non-judgmental)

and:

“They are all like that.” (potentially judgmental)

The first is ordinary communication.
The second is a possible judgment loop.

Possible Results

Try catching (flagging) the words They, Them and Those, pause your thought and determine if you were to complete the thought, would it likely carry negative judgment within it. If yes, try to not complete the thought (jump to something else).

Try this out for 30-60 days. If you condition yourself to flag those words and stop a percentage of your judgmental thoughts, then it is possible you will gain the following results:

1. Gain confidence by recognizing your ability to self-direct positive change within yourself. Gain a sense of control.
2. A sense of peace and happiness that you are taking intentional action to improve yourself for the benefit of yourself and for others too.
3. A positive realization that if this works out for you, then there are likely other methods for improvement that may also work out for you.